How NOT to parent a “special needs” child

While my head is on soccer I wanted to mention that soccer while right for all high functioning kids in the typical soccer leagues (and ALL kids with autism in the adaptive leagues) is NOT right for all parents!

Here are two types of parents I would prefer NEVER to see on our team again!

We had the parents of a child who 4 years before I knew were doomed!  Mom had told me when her son was only 4 that she was unable to get him into the house.  I told her PICK HIM UP!  She was unable to grasp the simple concept of who the parent was.  So, I set up mom and dad in one of our many ABA Managing Problem Behaviors classes and they BOO’d our speaker!  They were so stupid that they thought the rat was wrong…or that their child was actually more stupid than the rat! this is never the case!  So SAD, they ended up on our team last fall much to my chagrin.   The father was constantly criticizing my husband the volunteer coach and the volunteer assistant coach as well (this is the sign of someone who rarely takes on a serious role themselves but enjoys being the expert).

WORSE he was telling people that they needed to treat our “special” children differently than the rest of the team!!

WHY oh WHY put your child on a regular team and expect him to be treated special!???????????

Our children do not have a scarlet A on their forehead!  Society will not treat them SPECIAL and if you want to have a “normal life” for good and bad than you must learn to be treated “normally!”

Oh and HOW DARE YOU tell other people to treat my child “special”  we would NEVER…NOT EVER in the last 5 years of our sons life want, wish or ask for people to baby him!  THAT DOES NOT SET OUR KIDS UP FOR REALITY!

Okay, I have stepped away from the edge…my cat will not lose an owner today.

The second parent never made it on to our team phew!  dodged that bullet.

Her child was in 3rd grade with Asperger’s Syndrome and was really smart, really cute and really unaware of how to deal with life’s little let downs.

His mom and I were in the pool a year ago playing with the kids and her son asked me to race him in the pool.  I said yes but mentioned that I (unlike him) was a pretty good swimmer and he might not want to race me.  He said he wanted to race and so while I got ready to race his mom told me I needed to throw the race/LOSE to an 8 year old!  I said NO and she was horrified stating that he would have a horrible fit and be just a mess if he lost at anything!

Okay folks, this is not okay!  You want your child to fail.  You want them to fail and succeed over and over again so that they learn it’s okay either way.  How humiliating is it to fail in front of peers and over-react because nobody has taught you to fail in a safe environment.  So unkind….she thinks it’s better that he not have a seen when she is actually setting him up for a public and awful moment in front of peers…not a big deal to lose it when the fat 40 year old momma beats you and explains later that everyone loses at something.

Back to soccer.  So this loving, over zealous, very attractive momma of the kids who is not going to lose writes our soccer commissioner asking her to put the child who can’t lose on our team!

Here are the issues as I saw them!

1. they ALWAYS put the “special” kids on our team which is unfair to those who are NOT “special” 1/2 our team has autism in a typical league!

2. the child who could never lose is in 3rd grade NEVER played soccer before and is SMALL for his age.

3. our team loses a lot (see #1)

4. 6th graders are HUGE and the smaller 3rd grader would be creamed if he was on our team at which point well meaning but not the brightest mom would have an awful attack and inform the other team that her son can’t lose!

AHHHHHHH life is never boring!  Still I LOVE to watch my kids at soccer, track and tennis (they are doing all 3 this spring) and I LOVE 3 or the 4 “special” kids on our team and would not trade them for anyone…not even a 6th grader….though I would love to ask the commissioner why we can’t have any of those?  I guess none of the spectrum have signed up for soccer and are in 6th grade?

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