Really tough love.

Every November Bird goes through a regressive period which involves language, behavior and focus being lost for a period of time and he returns to us mentally a different guy.   This year it started later and had some trapping of being part of a ploy on his part (not intentionally but he has autism and craves sameness) to NOT move forward with his new academic setting.

His teachers this year are very much on the ball and we warned that he would shoot the tubes in November.  They started to see him lose focus and attending with real difficulty in work that was previously mastered and his grades were going from great to just embarrassing without a reason as some hard work would have a perfect score and the same work/questions/technique on another paper would gain him a C, D or U!  the easy work was also inconsistent with A and U’s on things that incredibly simple for him.

He went from being in a group of 27 kids in his class with pull out of 6-7 kids to part of the day being 1:1 again!

What happened?

Well, several things at the same time.  Bird was on a daily chart that he had for years and years and then it went away in forth grade and we saw problems arise so it came back in 4th grade.  Starting out this year he went back to those daily charts and about 5 weeks ago when he was doing fantastic we discontinued them per the teachers request and rightfully so!  Bird has had these sheets on and off for the last 8 years of school and he really enjoys sameness so when he had seen that he was not getting the sheets anymore and not getting the prices rarely but occasionally associated with those sheets he rebelled.

Bird is in a very different academic setting this year in my opinion.  While he has been in the main stream since Kindergarten his educational label was autism.  In his school they seem to place the kids with autism in a room with low maintenance children who are behaviorally compliant and academically on grade level.  When Bird did his pull outs for things that needed to be broken down for him or for reading which was previously his biggest deficit (this year not so much) it was almost a 1 on 1 (1:1) or 2:1 for him with a teacher as most of the kids with the autism label (not asperger’s ) none were taking the SOL’s and so if he was working on grade level classwork than it was just him or him and another boy (who I do not think has autism) with a teacher getting attention alone in a room.  Bird does NOT enjoy his new surrounding that comes with the label of LD (learning disabled) and is in pull outs with many other children who are not particularly nice to him or particularly compliant (LD kids range from children with actual learning disabilities to children who are virtually un-parented and don’t succeed in FCPS because their parents refuse to help them emotionally, academically or behaviorally.   Unlike most kids these kids in particular enjoy treating Bird badly as they have not been coached to accept others and typically live a lord of the flies type of existence with little that resembles a nurturing environment thereby creating people who look to exploit others deficits in a sincere attempt to gain value.  I personally would love to beat these parents and feel most people should not breed unless they are prepared to work hard every single day and sacrifice infinitely more than they want to in the hopes of creating non-entitled, kind, emotionally intelligent, loving and intellectually industrious people who do not suck on our resources like a hungry calf at a teet (okay off the soapbox but a clean 50% of all parents go into this box in my opinion….my son did not speak until age 4 and is out preforming their kids with a significant disability due to HARD WORK!).  Back to our story….Bird dislikes most of the kids in pull out and they have  taught him new profane words and a bad attitude.  Bird came home one day and disrespected his dad and quickly informed us when he got called out on this that,”Stephon does not act respectful why should I?”  We straighten this out right away BUT this is a good thing!  Bird is young enough to shape and learn from some of the future felons in his class!  Elementary school is MUCH more inviting of parents and Bird is still young enough to share inappropriate things with us that give us a chance to teach him right from wrong and what is and is not going to benefit him in the future.  The principal in our school takes a zero responsibility stance on bullying and you can do everything short of knife another child with no repercussions.  My older son Herd was threatened by another child that he would,”Kill” my son and NOTHING WAS DONE and the child was back at school the next day!  So I have called some parents and emailed so parents with the attempt at sharing dismay at their child’s bad behavior and the hope that mom or dad will pretend to have some part in this child future by either A. leaving my child alone or B. actually teaching them that bullying does not represent them well.

More later….


One Response to Really tough love.

  1. pvbiamomma says:

    Bird did go back into the 27:2 environment about 1 week after this post. With a tremendous amount of effort on his teachers, Bird and Les, Nick and I (and KAM when available) he was able to work hard and focus. He took all of his SOL’s and past them.

    This year he is in 6th grade with 25 kids and 2 teachers in a general education setting and after day 2 seems to be doing fine.

    The point of this tear is that autism changes from day to day and you can give up and give in or you can fight it out and get back to a child (after regressions) that is better than the one you had but only if you are consistent and stay strong.

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